"I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but I almost always end up where I need to be."
Douglas Adams
So - now my place on the course rests in the hands of 1 man, and 30 minutes in his company. The exam was a practical, and in those 30 minutes I had to prove to one man that I was (a) competent, (b) safe and (c) had two brain cells to rub together. I failed on all three counts alas.
What this means for my future in nursing I don't know, this all happened on my most recent placement so while talking to a 3rd year: Nurse D, he pointed out that I'm 2/3 of the way through and I'd be an idiot to give up now - and that to give up now would be to waste the last two years of training. While Sister S on the ward agreed she also said that if you're struggling with your 1st and 2nd year then 3rd year will be no easier - and that to go through all this again would be heart breaking and soul destroying if it led no-where.
So I'm at something of a crossroads - do I stay on the course that makes me happy but that might cost me a lot of money for me to fair? Or do I take alternative option - ditch the course and give up the thing that makes me very happy and chose a path that might cause me a lot less heart ache and I might be very good at ... who knows! Who knows what I'll decide to do - or what the future holds.
I have honestly no idea what to do - but hopefully a trip home for three weeks will clear out my head and help me make the decision!